Wednesday, November 2, 2011

How to be Assertive?-2

4. Practicing Assertive Responses

•Describe your problem situation.

–Specify the “who,” “when,” “what,” “how,” the “fear,” and the “goal.”

•Develop an Assertive Response

1)Evaluate your rights within the situation.

Refer back to the Bill of Rights

2)Designate a time for discussing what you want.

Find a mutually convenient time to discuss the problem with the other person involved.

3)Address the main person involved, state the problem in terms of its consequences for you.

Don’t expect others to be mind readers. Clearly outline your point of view objectively.

4) Express your feelings about the particular situation.

–First person statements (I felt sad….) acknowledge your responsibility for your feelings while second person statements (You said….) generally accuse or judge.

5) Make your request for changing the situation.

–Use assertive nonverbal behavior.

•Establish eye contact, maintain open posture, stay calm.

–Keep request simple.

–Avoid asking for multiple things.

–Be specific.

–Don’t apologize for your request.

–Make requests, not demands or commands.•

6) Tell this person the consequences of gaining (or not gaining) his or her cooperation.

5. Assertiveness on the Spot

•Many daily situations arise that challenge you to be assertive spontaneously.

•Assertive on the Spot Steps:

1)Evaluate your rights.

2)Make your requests.

“I would like….”

Statement needs to be:


-Simple and to the point

-Without apology

-Nonjudgmental, non-blaming

-Always a request, not a demand

-Use a monotonous, non-aggressive tone if dealing with a stranger and/or adult.

3)State the problem in terms of its consequences.

4)Express your feelings.

5)State the consequences of gaining (or not gaining) cooperation.

6. Learning to Say NO

•Saying no means that you set limits on other people’s demands for your time and energy when such demands conflict with your own needs and desires. It also means you can do this without feeling guilty.

•Saying No to aggressive individuals requires making statement stronger and more emphatic:

1)Look directly in the eyes

2)Raise the level of your voice slightly

3)Assert your position: “I said no thank you.”

•Dealing with acquaintances, friends, and family sometimes requires us to give an explanation:

1)Acknowledge the other person’s request by repeating it.

2)Explain your reason for declining.

3)Say “no.”

4)If appropriate, suggest an alternative proposal where both your and the other person’s needs will be met.

•Watch out for guilt.

–Might be tough at first.